genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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