do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
