tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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