so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My balls are so social today.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
