bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
