I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
