Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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