i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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