Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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