is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
