coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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