Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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