well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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