My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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