He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
