oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
