the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
