I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's the barista slut.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
