there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
