I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am naked and annoyed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
