You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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