Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
