Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
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I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize