vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Pants are for mortals
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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