So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
