Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
