if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
