Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
