He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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