The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
