Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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