She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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