I hope mine doesn't look like that
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
