One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
