Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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