So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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