i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it hurts more in the daytime
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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