i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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