Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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