with your own penis?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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