I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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