then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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