My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize