I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
