Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need to calm my uterus...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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