I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
