Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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