you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
