It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
