Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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