I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
