nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
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I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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