My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
