I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
