her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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