im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
