You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
