Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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