its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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