So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
