I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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