yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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