It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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