It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
