O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
