if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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