Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
