My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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