"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
